Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Is it because I queefed?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
