He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
