is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
