it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
