Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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