Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
