I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
