Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
