She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
