My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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