At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Shame - the story of my life.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
