she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
