I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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