Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Randomize
