i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
