"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
