I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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