just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
