plz talk dirty to me
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
