toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Drunk is a universal language darling
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