I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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