if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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