I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
True college students do jello shots in the library
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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