he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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