how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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