six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
We are all done wearing pants today
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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