Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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