My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
