dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
