the new term for farting is butt boxing.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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