What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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