well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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