after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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