Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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