Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
