Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
