I just threw up on my dentist
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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