You're so nebulous sometimes
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
