after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
