Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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