I swear she didn't look like that last week.
my being single is dangerous.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
