When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
