The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
