I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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