so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
