I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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