My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
