i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
