Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
