If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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