Even water is tasting like jack daniels
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
