it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
