you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
