if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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