I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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