For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I want to be your penis for a week.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
